time is of the essence...

I know I already posted once, but I realized I need to post twice, because we are getting closer and closer to the date that Josh will be leaving us for a few months. We have a meeting tonight to talk about this deployment, and what to expect.
I really thought that I was feeling, oh this isn't a big deal, he's been gone before. No biggie. Then last night he comes home and tells me, by the way tomorrow night we have a meeting to talk about the deployment. I then felt it. It finally hit me. He's leaving soon! I don't know how to explain how it feels if you've never been through it. It's pressure, and it's a little fear. I'll be alone, with three kids. It's knowing that if I'm sick, I don't have Josh here to take the kids and entertain them while I recover, knowing that I'm the one that has to take out the trash (which is his job), put out the garbage can every Thursday and put it back, pay the bills, fill up the car with gas, get the kids dressed in the morning and give them a bath, and put them to bed at night, its praying that wherever Josh is that he's safe, and will come home to us, praying that we'll be safe. Its praying that I will be able to deal with whatever happens while he's gone. (like Jonas locking the bahtroom door when Josh was gone for a few days, luckily no one was in there but had to take the doorknob off!)
I've been thinking of all the things I want him to do before we leave, the things I want to do as a family before he goes, and realize we don't have time. Almost every weekend is booked until the end of this month. We are busy, and to top it off he has to get ready to go so he is busy at work. It seems like before he leaves its always so crazy, and those are some difficult times. I'm not looking forward to this meeting.